.::CellerWindow::. — You’re Now In My Head –

Well once agian my heath has me sitting at home. I’m sitting here crying and I’m scared and I’m alone. No matter how much i wanted to go with my wife and our little girl & Family Here I sit and no matter how much I wanted Mandy to just stay home with me so I know I’m not alone I would do that to her. I just want to be better I wish people understand how I felt what this was really like. Just trying to catch your breath not being able to and last night for first time I start getting strange pains not killer pain just pain I just dont know I’m trying to deal with this the best I can, I try not to bother anyone with it unlesss its out of countrol. I pray someone out there can help me I pray for this to go away i want to be more apart of my familys life. And thank god I have Mandy shes my life I know she gets mad sometimes but she more here to help me and she trys to understand the best that she can. And seeing my little girls face before she left helped. I love them so much I just dont want something to happen to me and them have to life out me i want to see my child grow up and see her have kids and me and mandy be grand parents i want that dream I just need help so bad i want this to be over with.. Ok i have to go thinking about it makes it worse and I’m alone right now.

Ok so I been building a new site called wudm.net and fianly I feel I hit a nack for something that may work. We still have alot to do moving things around designing the site a little better but to be honest with you. I think this is a good site that can make alot of money and I could sell it when the times right for a good chunk of change. And I’m happy with mandys help on this site it means alot to me I wish she give me a little more feed back but thats cool. I just want this site to work out I wish we could get a few more people on there so i can get errors and stuff taken care of.
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So, we will put clients off to the side becasue that’s more of a rant then anything. People want me to just keep working and paying for everything so they have sites they can benfit from and who cares about me right I cant run a company like that. So far I’m owned over 600.00 and some bugs from one person. and its funny becasue i used to do all the work for free on my own time when i had time and that wasnt even good enough so they laid it out like well do the work we need when we need it. I was like wow then i guess you may have to find someone that has time. And then well we will pay for someone to do it. Wich pissed me off becasue I own my own company why not pay the person that has been doing your site free for the last 4 years. So then it was put into stone to get things done faster and stuff like that they would hire me to do there site. So i do all this work and boom they dont stick to there end and pay so now Im 250.00 bucks late on the server and I will end up having to pay there hosting, Pay there shoutcast, and i donno Im just sick of everytihng to be honest with you I give so much to people and because i sit in front of a computer its just a quick 123 and its done SITES TAKE HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, to get done Im so sick of fuck fuck fuck i need to stop im working my self up im just pissed of so baddly this turned into a ran so this can go in that section this is not even what i wanted to post about so now i will have to make another post. I just want people to stick to there end of the deal

So yesterday was the daytona 500…. Now I love racing but to be honest guys racing is not what it used to be. They just keep changing and changing things so much by the time I’m 50 it wont even be a great sport anymore. A couple things rules & changes that just upsets me is one The free pass rule. I know this has been inefect for a couple years now wtf I mean if your a lap down your a lap down man end of story. I just dont get it and i dont think its fair to give a car a lap back when he is a lap behind. Kinda like baseball. O since you are down 3 runs let me give you another chance to win. It just dont make much since to me really. There just alot of things thats changing this sport into something that i may not like in the future.
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I hate to say this but it’s hard being me. Now let me start off by saying this. A couple months ago I was in a bad wreck most of you that have been keeping up todate with my blog knows this. Sometimes I really wish that wreck would have killed me. Ok let me reword that. I dont want to be dead. If i wasnt with Mandy, And I didnt have Hannah, Maybe I wish I was just dead. No one seems to understand what I feel everyday. I really wish I could put it into words. This has been an on going thing that last couple years and it never gets better it always seems to get worse. I hope to god if anyone else reads this post and has or had what I have please, god please help me explain to me what’s going on with me so I cant get on the right track.
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I wrote this and it pretty sums up my hole life and what has happen to me through out it. So i hope it changes someone elses.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE
GOD CAN AND WILL HELP YOU
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS PRAY
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Work has been rough, Pay has been little. Last night I got a job offer to work with a compnay that I looked up to for a long time now. But the question is do I take it? And I have one site that means alot to me wudm.net i want this site to become huge but i need mandys help i wish she would sit down and say rob lets work on this site here is my ides lets make changes her and there and really make this a site that is kick ass i just wish she would. but she wont but i do pray this happens i want her and me to do this with each other becasue i want it to be something we can be proud of.
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Come on people the time is almost her. The question is will Tony do better this year. You take a guy that has been with the same crew for ever. put him in a new car and what will the out come be? I really think in Tonys case this will be his better year. Look at mark martin this is a guy that has never one a champion ship ever. And he said only way he is going to race this year is you put him in a car that he really has that chance to win. We will see how things end up. And i cant wait for the race to begine 15 more days i think.

I been coding for so long, and I hate when something does no go write and sometimes trying to find an error on a site kills you. This is just going to be a short post i just wanted to rant a quick second

My little girl is not so little anymore, And she is becoming a very bad kid. She does not listen to anyone but me which is a bad thing becasue i feel hurt becasue i yell at her and then everyone babies her. So when i do ask Hannah to come hang out with me or i do want to play with her its like i have to force her becasue she wants papy or nona or mom. I feel like shit becasue not Mandy but everyone else lets her get away with everything that Im trying to set in her head thats not a good thing to do ect. but I love her and wow she is just growing up so quick i want a little boy so bad i have a feeling this will never happen and this has been a dream of mine.